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Case Study 1: Dealing with Competency Tests

This article marks the beginning of a new series called “Case Studies”. In order to reach those in need, Magnetic Coaching is now taking questions based on scenarios from clients (current or potential) and answering them publicly on our digital platform. Our hope is to help individuals by providing a pathway to share their experiences and get feedback.

 

Case Study 1: Dealing with Competency Tests
Question:

 

Hi Magnetic Coaching, I’m looking for help on how to get past sh*t tests. I find myself repeatedly meeting women that act irrational and disrespectful. I don’t understand why this is happening.

 

Over the past years I’ve worked hard on becoming a high value man. I have a stable, high paying job, workout six days a week, and play in a band. I’d like to think I’m decently attractive, intelligent, and kind. I have no problem getting dates but these women often act disrespectful and run me through sh*t tests.

 

For example, I recently went on a date with a very attractive and seemingly smart girl. During coffee, she asked me my opinion on a social issue. Normally I would try to evade the question to keep things light. However, since she had informed me she values critical thinking and healthy debate I decided to take a moderate position and respond. She then tells me she wholly disagrees with my position. I asked her why. She then says “I don’t feel the need to justify this”.

 

Things got awkward and we moved on in the conversation. I finished the date and informed her I didn’t want to see her again. I am so frustrated because I’ve worked hard to become a high value man, do proper vetting, and yet can’t seem to find high value women that don’t run sh*t tests. So my question is, where do I find them?

 

Response:

Hi X (hidden), thank you for sharing your experience with Magnetic Coaching. Competency (Sh*t) tests, understood as the things a woman says or does to gauge the reaction of a man, are a common source of frustration for men in the dating world.

 

This is especially frustrating for a man like yourself who wouldn’t expect to be subject to them. In keeping with the themes in our recent article “5 Tips for Dating in 2022”, I’ve identified three issues with your situation:

 

1. You’re forgetting the Sexual Marketplace: Accept it.

 

First, you should learn to embrace competency tests. To some degree, competency testing is hard-wired into the minds of women. Do not forget the sexual market place. A woman is in demand, and you, my friend, are in supply. This imbalance leads to higher selectivity for the female and as a result you will be tested. It’s a natural consequence
of the nature of things.

 

For the most part, modern people live in such sanitary and safe environments that women don’t have ways of differentiating men. As a result, these competency tests will seem more arbitrary, irrational, and disrespectful. Accept that.

 

 

2. Your Internal Game is Imploding: Regulate it.

 

 

Congratulations on your success in improving your internal game. It sounds like you’ve put a lot of effort into becoming a strong, high value man. As a result you’ve raised your standard on who to associate with, even to the point of ending a relationship with an attractive and seemingly nice female.

 

However, you are also weak – because you fail to see that your inner game is imploding on itself. If your priority is to build relationships (even casual) with women then you must use your inner game to reach that objective.

 

Yes, being a high value man will increase your opportunities and give you leverage to increase your standards. However, this does not excuse you from the sexual marketplace where women will inevitably run competency tests to determine that very inner game.

 

To use an analogy, it’s as if you practiced to become Lebron James of the NBA and then chose to retire because your teammates were weaker than you. Now, if your objective is to be a mere spectator then I welcome you to sit down. Magnetic Coaching has more than enough content to keep you busy.

 

However, if you truly want to succeed in building relationships then you must come to terms with the fact that you will be tested. Wouldn’t you rather win a championship? Regulate your internal game by keeping your ego in check.

 

3. You’re missing opportunities to develop your External Game: Utilize it. Don’t let your (poor) internal game hinder your external game. Once you accept the above points, you will start seeing opportunities.

 

In this case, what would have happened if you put your ego aside and asked your date any of the following: “why did you not feel the need to justify your position on that topic? Or, “I noticed you were uninterested in sharing your perspective. I want you to know I try to be open-minded so you’re welcome to share. If there is something I do that makes you feel uncomfortable, please let me know”. Or, if you are on better terms, just poke fun and say “remember earlier when you acted like a tyrant and canceled our conversation”.

 

The value of all of these approaches is twofold. First, you will survive this girl’s competency test. You will demonstrate that you’re capable of not only surviving the test but leading her through a complicated situation (even one she created). This will build trust and she is less likely to test you in the future.

 

Second, you will build conflict resolution skills that will make you more confident and attractive to others. These skills will be transferable to your other relationships which will contribute to your overall success.

 

Conclusion:

 

Accept competency tests – they are a natural part of the sexual marketplace and unlikely to be leaving anytime soon. When developing your inner game, don’t let your ego interfere. You’re not inherently high value. Your value in the marketplace is determined by your ability to apply that inner skill to the external world. Competency tests are an important part of developing conflict resolution skills which are essential to building relationships. Embrace the Sh*t.

 

If you are interested in sharing your experience with Magnetic Coaching, send us an email at info@magneticbehaviour.com. We cannot guarantee your story or question will be posted but we will do our best. We also provide a multitude of services including 1-1 coaching which can provide you with feedback unique to your situation.

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